Sacramento Parent Magazine

As April comes to an end, stress has laid quiet. I can still feel it lurking out there but it is waiting for the right opportunity to put me in my place. I found out I didn’t bomb that interview-I’m still questioning whether they have same person when they said, “she’s great!”-but the “she may have control issues to work on” does sound vaguely familiar. Riley is finally walking. I mean he has a slight limp but it gives him character and we might try using it for some closer parking spots. Fortunately, the pink eye finally ran it’s course at pre-school. See previous blog about who may have started that one.

As May begins, the only thing I wonder about is: Who the hell is producing Yo Gabba Gabba?? It is the cheapest looking crap I have ever seen on television yet Riley LOVES it and there is a famous person on it every week. Whoever is involved has a mafia style hold on Hollywood and is calling in some serious favors. I personally think the weird acid trips they call dancing emphasize my fear of Riley liking Pink Floyd and experimenting to find his inner peace.

A while back my wife started putting a note into my daughter’s lunch box. Just a little daily word of encouragement on a ‘post-it’ note in with her PB&J sandwhich. Sydney really looks forward to this each day and will complain if there is no note to read at lunch.

Some days I have to make lunches and I learned the hard way that no note in the lunch is no bueno with the girl. So dad has had to get with the program pronto! Below are a few examples of them:

Mom notes:

“Syd, you mean the the world to me! Love Mom.”

“Syd, you are a beautiful flower, and I cherish you. Love Mom.”

Dad notes:

“Baby there are three things that will always keep you out of trouble:

1) don’t fart in public

2) keep the pineapples off the pizza

3) kiss your dad EVERYDAY!

XoxoUdad”

“Sweetie, when did you get so big?? KNOCK OFF THAT GROWING-UP CRAP! xoxoUDad”

Obviously these are from different perspectives but the goal is the same…stay connected to our precious kid. The best thing is that my girl loves them both (and so do her parents).

We are finally the proud owners of a brand new washer dryer (insert trumpet fanfare sound here). Almost 20 years of marriage and we have only had hand-me-downs or used sets.  They seemed to me that they worked fine.  Then a few years back RosevilleMom started telling me that our washer was ruining our clothing.  It was basically beating them up.  Really?  I guess I hadn’t noticed, but then again, I am a guy.  Next it was that our set was not energy efficient.  Hmm, I didn’t notice a substantial change in the electric bill.  Then finally it was that the dryer was taking three times the normal time to dry clothes and she had been reduced to basically drying half sized loads.  Truth be told, I noted all these issues a while back as well.  Yes, I do laundry, and do it well thanks! But like most things, we just let it go on the way it was. Last week my mother-in-law commented to me that our washer and dryer takes too much time and are not efficient.  I told her that it keeps her daughter from running the streets at night.  She didn’t see the humor…

Then last Tuesday I announced the most cherished springtime word, “Refund!” Saturday we were off to the local place to see what’s new in the world of washer dryers since 1997. Boy, oh boy did I get a lesson!  Washers that have steam cleaning, water heaters and 30min wash cycles, dryer cords are $20 extra, pedestals with drawers and metallic flaked colors of paint!  I’m thinking that our current one is outdated, (understatement of the year), but I’m not sure we really needed the ‘Lexus’ of washers.  Thankfully neither did RosvilleMom, and pretty quickly we picked out a fine ‘Toyota’ with the extended warranty. After that we had an hour before the sitter turned into a pumpkin, so on the way home, we stopped to have a celebratory fruity beverage. As I sipped my drink, my beloved says, “We should probably paint the laundry room before the new set arrives.” Great…

Our purchase will be delivered and installed on Wednesday.  Usually at our house a load of laundry gets done almost every day (we hate spending the weekend at Laundry Mountain), but I have noticed that neither of us have done any laundry since Saturday. Leads me to wonder…are we stockpiling to see if this new set can handle the onslaught right out of the box?  Maybe we are in a kind of weird laundry lame duck status (think Bush on Nov 5th).  Or, maybe we just have pity on the old set; its duty fulfilled…Wednesday can’t come soon enough.

On Friday I got a text that Sydney was puking at the movie theater. Not so much a Good Friday for her. At 1am on Saturday morning Sam got the puke bug. Then finally at 4am so did I. It’s official, print the tee shirts, Spring PukeFest ‘09 is here! Eesh…

The good news was that this bug was only a 48hr thing, on Saturday Sam and I laid in bed, watching the Deadliest Catch re-runs…all of them for the next two days.

Easter Sunday arrived, some call it Resurrection Day, but on this day only the Lord rose. This Roseville family never came out of the tomb. Even the Easter Bunny was afraid of getting the bug as the baskets were left full, but in the garage. Easter lunch plans were canceled with friends, the ham never came out of the fridge. Lots of Saltines and Gator-Aide served and more re-runs on cable…

On Monday the sun came up and PukeFest had left our home. A sigh of relief was heard from the washer and dryer…

RosevilleMom never got the puke bug, clearly she has superior genes, but she had nursing and clean up duty. At this point I’m not sure whether it was worse to be sick or to be the nurse this past weekend. She’s beat today, but not missing a step like the Energizer Bunny herself!

I’m thinking I will pick up some flowers on the way home from work today for our favorite mommy bunny.

Stress better listen up. You gave me a run for my money yesterday with a harried morning then continue to push my buttons when I bombed the phone interview for a promotion. In my defense, every single question was about how horrible I felt I am. What are your failures? What can’t you overcome? What do you wish you could change about yourself? You could only rephrase how bad you suck so many times. I got off the phone wondering if the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay would have any consoling words. Later when my ipod stopped working during a run and I returned home to discover my cable was still out and I called to see if there was a tree down somewhere that has shut off my son’s lifeline to Noggin, I was informed I somehow missed paying an additional $8.78 even though every bill had been paid monthly. However the cable company felt it was really important to get that remaining balance or else they wouldn’t be able to stay afloat in these hard times. I still kept a smile on my face never mind the tears pouring down in frustration but I got over it and played trains with my three year old who proceeded to nonchalantly tell me, “ Well that dangerous red spot finally disappeared.” Um, okay that’s a relief. I’m glad I made it through and woke up ready to face another round.

Don’t mess with Texas, stress.

Wow, stress is quite resilient. Little mother fockner, gave me a run for my money this morning. Our cable was out so for a good 40 minutes, my moody-is going to love the Cure- three year old sobbed, demanding I turn on Mickey Mouse. When I attempted to brush his teeth, he threw his toothbrush at me smearing a nice glob of shiny blue Colgate right down the front of my white shirt I just ironed. I changed my clothes and rushed out the door leaving his teddy bear that was supposed to make an appearance at Preschool for a Teddy Bear Party on the counter. Which made me look like mother of the year when I arrived after realizing I left it and had to listen to the teacher tsking she isn’t sure she has an extra. Really? Well I hope that red, goopy mess he had in his eye this morning isn’t contagious.

Don’t freak out I put drops in it.

March came in like a lion and left like a rabid hippo. My mother came for spring break, I took a week of vacation and we all got the stomach flu. My 3 year old Riley was playing with one of those rubber balls with the handle on top and injured his leg to the point of 3 doctor visits, 2 sets of x-rays and now we are waiting to see if he has tendon damage and will need surgery. He refuses to walk and has resorting to re-enacting Lieutenant Dan from Forest Gump. I thought April would be better and my husband and I went out for a much needed anniversary dinner but to my dismay I discovered a pube had taken a ride onto my plate. To round out my good fortune, my husband is self-employed and for the first time we owe on our taxes and let’s just say I might be playing guitar on the corner soon.

After last week, when I vented about my boss in an email to a co-worker and sent it to my boss-who also happens to be my friend- and not the co-worker, I said that’s it. Life’s too short, stress be-gone and give me my life back. I took it back for an hour this morning but then came to work. There was a major power struggle-stress is a feisty little thing- but I won and I am feeling quite Zen or else this is the calm before One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

I grew up watching America’s Funniest Videos.  I think it was on Sunday evenings, the perfect time for some comic relief.  Sundays were never my favorite day, simply because the next day was Monday.  I used to hate Mondays.

I watched AFV (its new spunkier name) the other night for the first time in years.  Camped out on an air matress with my kids in my parent’s den, which used to be my bedroom back when I hated Mondays, I laughed and laughed like I haven’t laughed in years.  What could be funnier than men being hit between the legs, women falling down while trying to look good, children being scared out of their wits, and animals attacking each other? 

And then it hit me - I was laughing at other people’s pain, fear and embarassment. 

“This is horrible!  We shouldn’t be laughing at this,” I said to the kids.

“It’s not horrible.  It’s horribly funny,” my daughter replied.  And then I really laughed, and kept laughing until the AFV host announced the $10,000 winner.  Sometimes pain, fear and embarassment really pay off.