Sacramento Parent Magazine

“Riley do you want any crackers?” I asked my 2 year old while traveling in the car. “No,” he replied. “Are you sure? You haven’t eaten very much. They look pretty good,” I asked again. “NO, I don’t want annyy,” he whined. Okay, Okay sorry I asked, I thought to myself.

As we were waiting for the light to change to green, I saw a young man holding a sign that simply stated, Hungry. Just need a little help. Not having any cash, I started rummaging through Riley’s diaper bag for something to hand over. I quickly found the refused crackers and handed them over.

Thirty seconds later, a voice pipes up from the back, “Mommy, where are my crackers?”

2:30am Alarm goes off like a cruel joke.
3:30am Wake up Toodles at the last, the last, possible second.
3:31am Toodles looks scarily grumpy. Huh. Maybe he will sleep on the plane. Haha, gosh that is funny.
4:30am Anxiety starts to set in as we pull into the airport. How safe is flying really? Did the pilot get a good night sleep? Is he new?
5:15am Going through security.
5:16am Go back through after taking grumpy toddler’s shoes off.
5:45am Boarding airplane. Offer husband unlimited physical gifts to drive there.
5:46am Husband is not speaking to anyone after learning he is not sitting with the family.
6:12am Husband in row behind family.
6:15am Taking off. Toodles has decided he doesn’t want to be in his seat or the plane.
6:16am Where is the drink cart???
6:17am Okay how serious is it to not turn on portable devices? We can put a man on the moon but can’t turn on a cell phone during a plane taking off? All the carefully picked out projects supposed to last well over 3 hours have been tossed aside.
6:30am Yeah we can turn on the DVD player!
6:31am Realize husband put the DVD player in the overhead compartment and since the seatbelt sign is still lit up, is refusing to get it.
6:32am Promise him a long and painful death while dodging Blues Clues books, if he doesn’t get up and get the DVD player.
6:45am Whoohoo! Drink cart!

6:15am-9:20am Kicking off the seat in front of him.

7:15am Passenger in front of 2 year old not going to make it to 3 complains to flight attendant. (Can you blame her?)

7:45am DVD player headphones flies down the aisle.
8:25am Need drink cart again

9:20am Made it! Frazzled and drunk but made it.

11:20am (Pacific time 1:20pm Central time) Visited with family, went out to lunch and then realize there is a red gummy bear stuck to the rear of my pants.

This timeline is repeated flying home 5 days later.

A partial list of things motherhood has taught me (so far):

It is not safe to hold a one year while applying mascara.

Winnie the Pooh is really well written.

Crying everyday is normal.

Some days ordering take-out is making dinner.

Bubbles are magic (so are cupcakes).

A DVD player for the car is a totally reasonable purchase.

Often, pants are optional.

Anything is more fun when wearing a tutu. 

The most important part of any holiday is getting candy.

You don’t go to Chuck E. Cheese for the food.
You have to say “weeee” when driving down hills, and

“mooo” whenever you see a cow.

Patience.

Flipping through a magazine recently I came across a list of the don’ts in parenting.  Among them:  Feeding a child while talking on the phone, saying things like:  no, no, no!  They suggested trying to affirm the positive instead, scolding for potty accidents, try saying (in a sing-song way) “that’s okay” and never bribe with snacks.  Hmmm.  So I concluded I am a bad parent.  Then I thought, no, I know I am doing a fine job and I think most everyone else is too.  No matter if our kids are in daycare or home, if we sometimes use cookies to get through grocery shopping and if we occasionally catch up with a friend while emptying the dishwasher and feeding a baby, its all okay.  I really believe, the kids are all alright.

I have a fear of flying. My fear isn’t the fact I will have the acute knowledge that I am plummeting to my death from 30,000 feet but rather a fear of being in a silver tube in the sky in which I have no control over the speed, maneuvering or opening of the door to escape or to just get a little fresh air. My husband knows this and is particularly fond of stating airplane disasters statistics or ensuring I have heard about the latest crash or near miss in the sky. He has recently taken up watching every re-enactment of a plane crash found on cable television including 9/11.

We are traveling to Texas soon and to make my fear even worse, we are traveling for the first time with our 2 year old. Visions of complete mayhem have consumed me ever since I booked the flight. To put the icing on the cake, as I was reserving the flights on-line and choosing our seats, I stated out loud, “Darn, the only seats left are in the back.” (The back does not go over well with my fresh air need to escape quickly issue.) As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I hear my husband in the background, “That’s okay. Those people always survive anyway.”

Fuming, I thought to myself, That’s it. I have had it with your statistics. I moved my mouse to click on 2 seats towards the front and 1 seat in the back. Alone and of course, in the middle.

We leave in 2 weeks and he still doesn’t know.